Don't Get Frustrated
We've all been there right? Sometimes things just don't go our way, and it can be frustrating. The next time that happens though I want you to think about this: What's really going on when you get frustrated? I'll tell you what! You've given control to someone or something else!
Every day we're presented with an opportunity to be frustrated . How do you deal with it? How do you deal with the nuts and bolts of running your life, with changing yourself for the better?
It's All About Your " Why".
It's been said that a person without a dream never had a dream come true. It's alright to have dreams, don't ever apologize for them! And those dreams are all wrapped up in " why" you have them. For me it's all about being there for my family and friends, being there with my physical presence. Being there with my time. Being there emotionally. And yes being there with financial support too!
As long as you can keep your "why" front and center you won't get mired down in frustrations. Because you know what? You'll have the power, the power to make decisions that will move you forward and keep you on track toward your goals. The power of being aware.
Frustration is the result of an expectation. Having an unrealistic expectation that someone will do something, an example being expecting they would be on time, despite the fact that they never are. Knowing from the very beginning of their relationship/ friendship that they are always late but convincing yourself that you could make them change.
Imagine you have always hated being late, but because you have fallen in love with someone you didn't want to accept that you could not make them change. So you constantly try to get them to be on time and keep feeling frustrated each time they are late.
You will likely feel frustrated any time you do not accept the reality of the person or situation. Many people believe that they can get others to change, if they are loving enough, needy enough, angry enough, hurt enough or punishing enough. Sometimes people will give into you but often they end up resisting in other areas in order to not feel controlled by you. No one likes to feel controlled so often people unconsciously do whatever it is you don't like to not feel controlled. Few people have learned how to decide for themselves whether or not they want to do as another asks them to do. Instead they either give in and resent you, or they resist, and in both cases there are negative consequences for the relationship.
If you completely accepted that your partner/ friend is always going to be late and that there is nothing you can do about it, what would you do to take responsibility for your own feelings of frustration?
" Well you can make your own way there, but then you don't get to arrive together". " So which is more important to you, being with them and being late?, or being on time and not being with them?". " Why can't they just be on time?".
The answer to this is a complicated issue. Perhaps they had controlling parents and they learned to resist by being late, or perhaps everyone in their household was always late and they learned to live their own life this way. Perhaps they have a problem with organization and have never learned how to manage time. they can learn this, but they must first want to, and the fact they are resistant to changing it means that they feel they are getting some benefit out of being late. The issue for you is that you can't make them change, and the fact that you keep expecting them to change is what is causing your frustration.
Accepting your helplessness over them is a big challenge but until you do you will feel frustrated. your expectations and resulting frustration is a protection not to feel the authentic feeling which is the helplessness over them. If you accept this your frustration will go away and you will learn to take the loving action in your own behalf. So which is more important to you? Being with them and being late, or being on time and not being with them?.
" I guess that sometime's it's more important to be with someone and other times it is more important to be on time." And I can see that when it's more important to me to be on time, then I have to make my own way. I can't say I'm happy about this, but I do feel a sense of relief knowing that I can do something important about the time when it is important to me. don't allow your frustrations to keep you from accomplishing what needs to be done today. Confront them and see them for what they really are